| The good, the bad and the ugly of the bed time story.. |
[07 Aug 2009|09:44am] |
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Little peter rabbit had a fly upon his nose.. Imagine that!
HA!
A rabbit with a fly on its nose! Who sat out there on the lawn - with their rabbit long enough to see a fly land on its nose and thought - hang on a minute, im going to write a song about that!?
I doubt it was a good song..
It was probably about a dead rabbit!
Like Mary Mary quite contrary, come on! Instruments of Torture! The silver bells and cockle shells mentioned in it were just different ways of singing about instruments of torture! The 'silver bells' were thumbscrews which crushed the thumb between two hard surfaces by the tightening of a screw. The 'cockleshells' were believed to be attached to the genitals! 'Pretty maids all in a row' is a reference to 'maidens' which were early guillotine like devices used to sever heads! Now how do you explain this to you kids!?
A little like "Ring around a rosie" ... No this isnt L's girl that we got a giant ring made up for!
Its about death!
THE Black Plague!!
"Ok Charlie, hop into bed now mummy's going to sing you a little song.. about how everyone got very very sick In europe and then they DIED a SLOW and PAINFUL death!
Oh dont cry, would you like Mummy to sing you that song you love about what you need if you wanted to hurt someone and then cut their head off? ... ready..?"
What the F***??
Hang on a minute.. ill sing you that song i made up about my affair with the mailman, all of your pets were slaughtered, Your brothers and sisters drowned and mummy spent the next 3 years in a mental institution?
I JUST know how much you will love it ready..
"postman pat.. postman pat.."
How do these stupid songs stay around the playground after all this time anyway? Surely someone must have realised how dumb they are? OMG ..
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| If you want a show.. just let me know and ill sing in your ear again... |
[06 Aug 2009|02:04pm] |
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I wonder if its really possible for a type of drink to affect you in different ways like some people say. Ive used it before.. yeah i cant drink scotch coz it makes me crazy.. but i think its more of an excuse. Because ive gotten into trouble on it i assume its the drink ive had and so i blame that.
Which brings me back to the blaming of the objects journal i posted awhile back.
I think its funny when people (myself included) blame things rather than just facing the music and copping it on the chin.. ok youre a jerk drunk sometimes its got nothing to do with what you had to drink. The fact that you just touched the mouse must mean that how ever your day pans out YOU MUST BLAME THE MOUSE NOW!!
Throw it out man, its all about they type of mouse you use..
Those online quizzes that float around... i fill them out when im bored.. only to find that when i go to actually fill them out im over it.. I should really just turn the computer off and go to bed or something yet i sit there for half an hr and fill them out!! Its stupid, you have so much time on your hands - yet you have no time at all to fill these things out for a laugh.. so you just type "yes" "no" "what kind of a question is that" in the boxes and THEN turn the computer off..
I dont really use the computer much anymore.. I turn it on, check my myspace, facebook, email and sit there looking at the screen.. Its as exciting for me now as my mobile phone is.. i used to spend my credit in a day.. now i struggle to finish it b4 the expiry date bacause i cant be fucked replying to people lol. I think its more of a lazy thing, i really wish theyd invent some kind of mind reading way to text.. I really just dont want to have to push the buttons anymore.
I was at the tab last week and there was a horse running called "Shes Meanor".. what a great name!! Its so much like mine!! annnnd.. its still running.. maybe if i hadnt of backed it the bastard would have won.. Or is that too "i cant drink scotch, it makes me crazy" for you?
dogs outside.. rain outside.. car too far away.. drink too far away.. i think ill just scoot along in my computer chair down the shops.
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| DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS? - We havnt had a fight in awhile.. |
[28 Jun 2008|09:33pm] |
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Bollywood shit movie |
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Do you ever get in the mood where you really feel like annoying someone? You don't want to go as far as getting into a fight (yet you know it will if they take it the wrong way) ... You'll get offended and crack the shits in self defense clamp your hands over your ears and then you find yourself not talking to each other ... until dinners ready at least..
I get in these moods sometimes.. mostly if i have nothing else to do and i see my gf really concentrating on something.. and shes been doing this for awhile and i want some attention.. usually being annoying works for me... If i had a glass eye id tap it with a pen if she was talking to me.. but she wouldn't be .. because she would be busy (and shit, i don't have a glass eye anyway) so that rules that one out.. i could always buy one and roll it across the table.. but that wouldn't have the same ring to it.
Theres always the replying to everything she says with "thats what YOU think".. but she just looks at me weird and laughs.. reaction level - 3%.
Its pretty hard to get a reaction out of my missus.. sometimes the urge gets so bad that i think about getting orange cones and diverting a few streets around town and recording the outcome.. am i insane?
sometimes.. yes.. i mean really - who thinks these things...?
Im usually in my silliest moods after work on Wednesdays and Fridays.. the kind of ones where i go to the drive thru and wait till they ask for my order and i just say "naa i'm right thanks.. i'm just looking" and drive away.. Or ill break my words up over the speaker.. or tell them my window is broken.. order with my door open.. pay with my door open and roll the window down to get the food!
could be worse... I could always take my food out and hand them the bag with the rubbish from my car in it ... say thanks.. smile and drive away..
Im so bored.. My gf is away for a week.. its only day 1 and i have already called the pizza shop and randomly pressed the buttons on my phone while i was making my order... and said "can you please stop doing that its really annoying!!"...
Ive watched 3 movies.. well.. i've had them on.. i havnt really watched them.. i guess the most i've done all day is looked at the tv and thought "why did i pick these stupid movies?". How do i know if they are stupid if i havnt watched them? Im annoying myself now.. Come to think of it - Ive only annoyed myself all day! *realises* :-O
I havnt slept since 4am. I think i need some sleep before i fall face first onto my keyboard and dribble between the keys.
Its bad enough when you wake up late for something and you rush out the door only to see your reflection which reveals the imprint of your hand half way across your face. I wonder if the letters from the keyboard would do the same thing?.. actually.. im gonna sleep here and test that out - ill get back to you. :)
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| Mine? That was.. |
[17 Nov 2007|04:06am] |
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Youre like an idea, i was your idea... You are a string who was sadly played time and time again. But then again..
You were a thing..
You are my mobile phone when im all alone but i cant pick up.. youre bad hiccups that hurt your throat..
youre that car that wont merge, youre what i deserve..
you are everything i forgot about myself.. you are stelth .. youre my past.. youre gone.. no, im wrong..
Youre that song that i cant get out of my head all day long..
Youre that tune that has two meanings, youre not what you seem.. youre my favourite line, you are completly different - to what you were to me, at the time..
You are that red shirt that stands out.. you are that beat that i tap in my car, you are .. you are..
Youre that thump in my head when im hit, you are it.. you WERE it.. bullshit..
You and i had it all worked out...
i walked out..
I left a tree on fire because i was scared of you.. true.. yet false.. my pulse dissappeared when you left.. i wept.. i cried.. i lept ....... parts of me died..
but fuck.. i tried?.... didnt i?
My toes, my feet.. your bed, your shets.. i bit my lip .. i sank my ship.. my heart it burst.. it hurts it HURTS...
your shirts..
Oh the smell of your shirts..
As i fold them and hold them.. my my stories.. i told them.. about you.. about the hurt you caused me, the time you paused me. The feelings i had the love that i had.. the kids that i wasnt.. a dad..
You make me mad..
Its sad.
Sometimes im the one who feels bad... You should be the one who feels bad.
You lied to me all those years, i thought i was your ears, your eyes, your nose.. youre fuck who knows...
Your everything.. you're nothing..
Youre one thing.. not mine. You never were, at a pub youre a slur.. in my mind youre a blur.. you were.. you were..
Im not sure... what you were.
Were you a lesson? a small part of me i needed to become me.. like the bark of an old gum tree you fell to the ground like you always do when you feel the need .. to do what you do..
to become the person you are now .. yet somehow.. such a small part of you exist.. in the fist of a young kid who trusted you.
A young kid who needed stability.. you were it for me.. mine.. all the time.. same old line from your favourite song you hated all along.. am im wrong? im not wrong. i know im that song that you wish you could play infront of those youre drinking with today... right now.. somehow.. i know you remember..
Me..
You are what i was, i am what youre not.. you felt me like a knot in your throat.. the rings on your fingers... im that smell that lingers. You know.. dont you know? You wear them like i never left.. i did leave and i did greive.. you have no idea how much i did.. like the pain that you wept from your very first kid. I miss you.. but i dont..
as i reach out to the water and push on the boat.. this is you.. goodbye my friend, my whatever you were when we called it "the end".. I breathe a deep breath and remember your arms.. your hands.. your palms.. I knew you.. but now..
I know nothing.
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| Skitz... skitz.. skitzo! |
[31 Oct 2007|09:25pm] |
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Impatient..
Hates waiting at the deli..
hates waiting at the bank..
hates waiting on the phone..
hates waiting for people to finish long stories.. infact - loses track after 5 mins because thinks to self "Fuck this is long get to the point mo fo".
HATES waiting for anything that takes longer than i think it should, really..
My ex girlfriend used to come over and cook for me.. she'd ask me what id want for dinner and id say "anything im not really hungry yet" ... the minute she comes over im hovering around the stove whinging because, even though im not that hungry - IM STARVING now because its not instant.
I needed to call up and get a fine extended.. it was urgent.. so here i was on the blower.. waiting ... waiting ... WAITING!!!!!
Skitzed out i hung up.. and run the risk of getting in serious trouble because i cant wait 5 seconds for anything.
Its frustrating!
Worse than stains on your clothes.. dont have forever ppl hurry the fuck up i could die any minute.. i have a life to live here. JOISUS!
What if i was on the phone and i died! Because the roof fell on my head and killed me! Or what if there was a massive thunderstorm and i died because i was still on hold!
Man id be pretty frustrated then wouldnt i! .....atleast i wouldnt have to pay my fines..
*picks up phone and waits for thunderstorm* cooommme on damn you lightning!
There are so many people in the world who cruise through life in la la land like nothing matters and theres plenty of time to be wasted. These people are the ones you come across when youre in a hurry.. they are like road blocks in the shape of humans.. it seems they will do anything to extend your lateness.. and as your blood boils and you reach for your shot gun they calmly say "have a nice day"... ill give you have a nice day slug man.. im gonna get fired because you couldnt find a pen and then you had to ask your son, who had to ask his brother, who couldnt find mum to ask her where the F*****G pen was!.. "Guess my signature buddy im outta here".
They sometimes drive cars too.. they are the ones who sit in the right lane and sometimes have a wingman in the left lane generally in the form of a cattle truck so you have no choice but to drive like grandpa simpson. You can honk all you like they love it when you skitz out.. and to get you going a little more they mouth "wanker" in the mirror at you and the special ones who have no care for life stick their finger up at you and slow down even more.. yes.. THOSE ones...
Put the club lock down and face the fact that youre going to be late for work today.
Now try the reverse..
What about when youre all relaxed at the supermarket.. calm.. ready to take your stuff home and unpack it b4 bed.. you walk up to a register and you are standing infront of a checkout chick who is rushing you.
Theres a screaming kid in the trolley and a pissed off mum smacking the trolley into your ankle as you stand there and try to work out why the fuck you decided to come shopping NOW.. as your heart rate rises and your face goes red.. you turn to the wonderful child in the trolley and smile.. it screams more.. great.. this is great... Oh what fun shopping is sometimes.
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[24 Oct 2007|10:49pm] |
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So there comes a time in your life where you have to make a choice that rips your guts out.. the thought of saying it out loud is as good as the idea of a cold shower in the middle of winter. You want to avoid it, but you know you cant.
If you died today would your ghost be happy?
Or would you regret biting your tongue to spare the feelings of someone you care about?
Youve thought long and hard about what youre going to say, but why doesnt it roll off the tongue as smoothly as it went in your head..? And why do you feel guilty now that you have said it?
After all, you are doing this for the better of both of you..
You are doing this because you KNOW that its the right thing to do.
Why do you find yourself explaining your reasons behind it.. you shouldnt have to. But you do because you feel so friggen bad about it.
I guess this is all because you are not half as bad ass as you make out.
You have feelings too and you know what it feels like.. you dont like to see ANYONE upset.. especially at your expense.. Because not only do you absorb other peoples feelings you also care about them.
Its not always self centered.. you care about alot of people more than you care about yourself sometimes and this is part of the reason you have come to this conclusion today.
I know that if i died living the lifestyle i am today id only be happy with a small portion of it.
Id like to work harder, save money to do the things i want to do and if and when i meet someone its gotta be MASSIVE.. I can no longer settle for "hmm nice legs.. great kisser".. when i meet someone theres gotta be a connection.. a spark.. chemistry.. because im tired of playing the same old game of chess. Id rather be single than feel like alot of my feelings are one sided... and i dont want to have to feel like i should ever have to change.
Theres someone out there for everybody.. fuck theres more ppl in this world than cars.. cars fuck up sometimes too.
Ive fucked up alot..
But i dont need to change the way i think or act because thats like trying to find spare parts for an old car.. and as rare as that is im pretty sure a good old oil change and a new paint job will lead me to a service and a new spark in my battery.
:) always leads to a bloody metaphor.
anyway.. thats all..
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[17 Oct 2007|10:18am] |
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I woke up this morning and i didnt really want to go to work.. So i didnt... But now im going in because i got the guilts up about poor Trinh in the booth with the new guy whos never powder coated in his life and i can imagine the stress he is having.. I just feel a bit weird today but i shouldnt let it affect my job.
Plus i have overtime tonight.. I realy need the cash at the moment so i can buy that out door heater and a new couch.
*sigh*
Catch
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[14 Oct 2007|07:00pm] |
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Sometimes life challenges you in ways that make you want to fall to the floor with your head in your hands and cry like a bitch.
Things happen to people to test your strength and things happen to people to strengthen them.
You dont have to be bitter about it, but crying about it doesnt change the fact that what ever it was just happened.
It doesnt fix the situation, it just makes you feel shit about it.
Some people find it really easy to do mean things to people, they want you to run away scared so they feel good and that quality in a person is something that cannot be forgiven.
Alot has happened to me in the last 12 months.. but if i let these things wear me down or stop me living my life as happy as i was living it before then they have won.
I dont understand why some people dont stick together when things go wrong.
I guess its how they were raised.. i was raised to stick with my friends and family like a wolf pack when they needed help.. i guess alot of the time i was the one keeping everyone else together and standing there with the tissue box like a small card table with 2 legs.
I found out a long time ago that everyone is in it for themselves.. Youre really always on your own when you have a problem and thats pretty sad how things have changed.
You grow up.. you leave the pack and you fend for yourself.. if you survive thats great.. if you get hurt, sort it out.. if your hungry find a way to get food.. Just try not to die. :)
People are full of shit to your face.. "yeah mate im here if you need anything.. give us a call if you need a hand" But its all a load when it comes down to it - they REALLY dont care.
They didnt help you at all.. you just helped them by making their lives seem alot less complicated.
Its ok.. maybe they dont understand. Maybe they never will..
Ive always picked myself up and gotten on with what i was doing before it all happened anyway and i am glad that none of that has made me an angry mess.
Its made me a better person..
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| Things.. and more things.. |
[10 Oct 2007|02:49pm] |
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So you think life is all it can be when you find yourself trashed every firday night, regretting everything you said come saturday morning.. hiding inside until it "all blows over" then doing it again the following weekend.
A pisshead with baggage and a big mouth is a tshirt you have considered inventing yet, you know you will be the only person wearing it.. not that you need a shirt to tell you and everyone else close to you that.
It becomes a problem when it affects the people you love and the friends you enjoy fucking yourself up around.
It wasnt until a few weeks ago that i realised you can infact have a good time without getting to this point. I thought everyone was just saying that so id be bored and drive home.. no bd they are not all against you, you have to stop being so damn sensitive. It was just because they care about you.. not because they dont want to be seen with you, well.. if you keep it up they wont wanna be seen with you thats for sure.
Ive learned alot in the last month or so.. Im becoming fitter with a pt and gym 4 times a week.. im feeling more confident than i ever have in my life because i dont hate the image i see in the mirror anymore. I didnt even realise that THAT was my problem the entire time.. Silly though - i mean i only drink so much because it makes me feel more confident and its easier for me to talk to people. Im addicted to this feeling and therefore cant stop going to the gym but hey atleast its a healthy addiction.
My girlfriend and i broke up because of the fact that we were completely different.. our lives.. our jobs.. our opinions.. our values and our friendships amongst other things.. Weve all heard the phrase "opposites attract" well yeah thats true.. but can you get it to work when you cant work together?
I wanted more all the time.. we all want that connection.. that spark.. Thats what life is all about, if you havnt got that spark then what have you got?
You have a friend..
So were friends..
Im focusing on my fitness, my job and my friendships at the moment.. I dont think ive ever paid so much attention to that before because i was too busy running around looking for the right person to be with and sinking piss all the time.
Sometimes i even found myself wondering where my mates were.. thats not cool.. You should always know where your mates are and thats your fault for not being around and putting other things before them. Friends are important.
The good ones are the ones still answering your calls.. Only because its not 6am and they cant figure out what the hell youre crapping on about.
I got my lip pierced.. it fucking hurts so lets all have a whinge together ready "aaaahhhhhhh huh huh huh ahhhhh!!!"
Phooo that was nice wasnt it.. everyone feeling calm now?
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[23 Sep 2007|04:58pm] |
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Im covered in baby slobber.. im sticky from giving a 4 year old lollies and ive copped the full brunt of hypo kids on sugar! My fault lol and i wouldnt have it any other way.
I love coming up here - i love waking up to kids.. even if one is screaming on your lap. Its home.. and i feel safe here.
I took claudia to the shops and brought her toys.. she got 4 because as she put it "well im nearly 4 so i need 4 toys".
LOL its a little bit funny when your best friends kid thinks youre a boy. Because i look and sound like one.. poor little tacker lol. When i asked if claudia had a boyfriend she comes back with "no but i have a girlfriend" lol thats a bit too funny i think.
Anyway.. thats all thats happening on this end.. :)
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[31 Aug 2007|06:38pm] |
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I just wanted to put this out there.. I have no internet at home or home phone.. i actually like it that way although i THOUGHT id die without those two things in my life - but on the upside i have really started to enjoy doing little things i had neglected.. rather than sitting on my ass all day on the computer and calling everyone i can think of.
Also.. i have credit.. but hardly.. and ive had that much credit in the last 6 months that i pretty much have RSI from texting everyone and blowing it in a day so when i have credit these days - sometimes i just dont feel like writing back.. if i can fit it in, its usually short but its nothing personal - im just sick of texting and dont feel like getting caught up in a 50 message marathon. Im a powder coater - i use my hands allllll day....
Please dont think im shuting you out.. and no i havnt changed.. honestly, im just catching up on the little things in life, working, playing with my woofs, gym, spending time with my girlfriend or out getting trashed..
I work weird hours so calling me in the middle of the day wont get you very far.. or after 9pm because ill be asleep.. but anytime between 5 and 9 i should be able too be contacted if you wanted to have a chat.
Im writing this because there are a few ppl lately who have been getting either cranky at me for being a shit friend.. worried im dead.. or worried i hate them - for no reason.. Im not dead (oh thats a song), I dont hate you and i sometimes dont want to answer my phone because i really dont feel like talking and if that happens, its a good thing that i didnt answer my phone because then youd think i was REALLY cranky or something when i wasnt - i just didnt feel like talking to anyone..
I get like that sometimes (as does any other normal person).. sometimes too much happens in one day or youve talked the leg off a chair the night before because you were on E's or speed and you have no "talk" left.. I mean.. if you TOOK those things *looks around*.
So anyway.. its just frustrating when you are having a good day and you get a text that says "what have i dont wrong, do you hate me? You didnt write back" - i dont know.. it kinda makes me not wanna reply because im laughing about how silly it sounds that i would actually just hate someone for no reason.. Just because a little times passed.. man, even my bloody mobile is asking me why i dont touch it anymore "dont you find me sexy enough these days?" - "oh my god youre seeing another phone?! what has it got that i dont have..?"
AHH A CAMERA!!
*Grins*
I know this sounds mean.. i dont mean it to sound mean at all.. i just feel a little bad that you feel that way when you really have nothing to worry about.
L - Id love to come out and see you guys.. but i cant make promises at the moment - im really busy and i havnt got time for a bbq or anything.. we will just have to catch up over the phone for the time being.
Anyway.. now its all said and done im gonna go and eat xx
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[21 Aug 2007|07:44pm] |
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Feeling like a fish out of water isnt anything new for me.. i think half of the time i actually enjoy it.. The other half of the time i freak myself out so much about a situation until i dont want to do it anymore.. then when i have made that decision - i actually dont really care anymore and ill do it without a single whinge.
Hmm maybe thats all part of being a girl.. the fact that i cant actually make my mind up about anything.. and when i finally do - i do the exact oppisite.
Its human when (feeling backed into a corner) - to feel like running away.. its a survival thing, its panic mode, start the engines and foot to the floor ppl im outta here..
Its also human (after doing that) - to sit back and think clearly about the situation and regret the things you have done at that moment and hate the fact that the most you could do at the time was freak out.
So you find yourself feeling very strange because 5 mins ago you were freaking out and very stern about the way you wanted things.. now you are nothing.. you have no feelings at all about the matter because you have calmed down and its not an issue anymore.. NOT AN ISSUE!!??
OMG OMG what do i do what do i do?.. Whinge..
Whinge till youre hearts content, because girls dont fart .... so if they dont whinge they will explode!!.. all over your loungeroom.. !!
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| This is funny.. and true.. coming from a piss head like myself.. |
[19 Aug 2007|11:45am] |
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ALCOHOL TROUBLESHOOTING SYMPTOM | FAULT | ACTION | Feet cold and wet. | Glass being held at incorrect angle. | Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. | Feet warm and wet. | Improper bladder control. | Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. | Drink unusually pale and tasteless. | Glass empty. | Get someone to buy you another drink. | Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. | You have fallen over backward. | Have yourself lashed to bar. | Mouth contains cigarette butts. | You have fallen forward. | See above. | Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. | Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. | Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. | Floor blurred. | You are looking through bottom of empty glass. | Get someone to buy you another drink. | Floor moving. | You are being carried out. | Find out if you are being taken to another bar. | Room seems unusually dark. | Bar has closed. | Confirm home address with bartender. | Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures. | Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations. | Cover mouth. | Everyone looks up to you and smiles. | You are dancing on the table. | Fall on somebody cushy-looking. | Drink is crystal-clear. | It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. | Punch him. | Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. | You have been in a fight. | Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. | Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. | You've wandered into the wrong party. | See if they have free alcohol. | Your singing sounds distorted. | The drink is too weak. | Have more alcohol until your voice improves. | Don't remember the words to the song. | Drink is just right. | Play air guitar. |
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[18 Jun 2007|08:37pm] |
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You know, as a little kid.. it was your parents who were the ones who wouldnt let you do anything..
Well, i know mine had more rules than you could poke a stick at.
It was easily fixed - move out and you can do what ever you like.. now it seems we have to move out of our own country to do whatever we like..
First it was common sense.. Dont speed - we still do it now and then, some more frequently than others..
Dont drink and drive.. again, we still do it now and then.. some more frequently than others.. lol..
Now its the whole "Dont smoke in public".. FUCK ME, way to take away something that has always been considered normal and acceptable (unless youre a stuck up non smoker) most non smokers learnt to adapt to it until a bunch of whinging elderly citizens jumped the line and complained their asses off to the right ppl as they looked over the top of their specs..
Get ya trackies off John Howard and take it up for fuck sake that way we can!!
On second thoughts .. dont get your trackies off (ewww).
OOOh and dont have a shower, Stage 3 water restrictions ppl.. I thought the whole "dont smoke in public" (aside from the whole its a health risk, blah blah) was also because non smokers cant handle the smell..
well brace yourselves NON SMOKERS..
STINKY HUMAN BODYS will be much worse!!
I hope you are happy... You can all party with non smoking stinky people because all the smokers will be stinking out the streets with their bodies and their ciggies.. COP THAT!
What about flipper? You do realise that the waterways will be affected by this because ATLEAST placing (sober) or Slamming (drunk) your smoke butt in the ashtray provided made sure it ended up in the bin where it belongs.. hmm try telling a bunch of smelly, drunk and extremely frozen smokers that they have to use the ashtray outside.. why would you when theres a whole world to flick it in?
Not to mention that we wont wanna come back inside because we are now drunk and we have to chain smoke..
Im not going out as of July the 1st.. but dont worry.. ill be at home saving water and recycling the rubbish.. haha!
God forbid if you love women.. dont get married! Dont have children.. its not right!
A child needs a father and a mother.. Johnny - have you ever met a lesbian.. ?
Most of the ones i know (if they had of raised me) id honestly think they were my dad!
The entire time..
Some even have facial hair.. and fucking 9 inch cocks you moron!
I think he is jealous because most lesbians are more well hung than he is.
Joisus some even have the same eyebrows and nose hair like Johnny but i try not to look at those ones... they scary!
Its almost like we have more rules no than ever, some for a good reason but why the hell do we have to get them all at the same time..?
Even the poor learner drivers are being hit with new rules "what you dont feel tough enough picking on kids your own size?" Lets make them have their L's for 12 months now!! It WAS 6 months if you were 17! Now its no matter what age you are 12 months!
Im even too paranoid to use any electricity because i dont want little black balloons filling my room like they do on that ad!
How creepy is it when that one comes out of the vcr! OOh.. they could have made them pink or purple.. "happy colours" as apposed to bloody death colours!
"Cant sleep balloon will eat me"
Basically we cant do shit anymore.. some are lucky to be able to afford to drive a car let alone have their learners for 12 months.. fuck, by the time they get their licence cars will be a luxury!
By the time i get over my fear of black balloons my tv and dvd player will be classics.. i guess i could sell em on ebay.. that might pay for petrol.. and maybe then i could pay someone to break the rules and hose me down in the lawn once in awhile.. so i can go out for a beer and chain smoke at the door without being stinky like every other sucker..
OOOH im moving to japan!
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| YOURE NOT HERE TO BE LICKED OR CHEWED!! |
[13 Jun 2007|04:37pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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Oh someone shoot me.. I took friday off (because i rolled up to work drunk) - which meant i wouldnt have been paid for the public holiday either (without a drs cirt).. and i cant afford that to happen right now.. so what did i do?
I MADE ONE UP!
ANNNNND i got busted! Yeah keeep laughing.. it doesnt stop there.. My boss called me into his office with the cirt and the one b4 that next to eachother and what do you know - the signatures ARE COMPLETLY different! *sigh* so what did i do? What can you do.. i said .. yeah what? Are you saying i made that up? LOL
OH DONT WORRY IT GETS WORSE...
I walked out... i grabbed my keys and i walked out...
I walked out? YOU IDIOT! No actually... i walked very quickly out of a job ive been doing for almost 4 years..
I have to call him and admit it.. i know i do, but its hard to do that when in the back of your mind you know that you have just done something VERY WRONG in so many ways and the only reason for that is the fact that you cant afford to have these days off - yet you go out and get yourself wasted on a thursday night, roll up drunk friday and then do something as stupid as that! ARRRGGGHHH...
I have to go and think of how im gonna explain this to save my job..
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[09 Jun 2007|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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Reasons why a CAR is better than womenIf you say bad things to your car, you don't have to apoligize before you can jump in it again.
If your car doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
If your car goes flat, you can fix it.
If your car is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
If something on your car is too loose, you can tighten it.
If your car is too soft, you can get different shocks.
If your car makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
If your car smokes, you can do something about it.
It's always ok to use tie downs on your car.
Cars always feel like going for a drive.
Cars don't care about how many other cars you have jumped in.
Cars don't care if you are late.
Cars don't get pregnant.
Cars don't have parents.
Cars don't insult you if you are a bad driver.
Cars don't mind if you look at other cars, or if you buy car magazines.
Cars don't whine unless something is really wrong.
Cars last longer.
Cars curves never sag.
You can have a black car and show it to your parents.
You can kick your car to wake it up.
You can share your car with your friends.
You can't get diseases from a car you don't know very well.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your car.
Your parents don't remain in touch with your old car after you get rid of it.
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[05 Jun 2007|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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ITS SATURDAY.. a beautiful afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be:
Stretched out on the couch in front of the idiot box.. just about to watch all your favorite show that youve waited for all week.
Opening beer number two, relaxed that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way.
Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television... Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says, "What are you doing?" Is this a trick question or what? Yes.. it is dude! The trick is that no matter how you answer it, you will all the sudden find yourself driving down to your nearest Ikea store looking for the shelf thats just right for your bedroom!.
How the hell did that happen?!?
It has a lot to do with the nature of the question itself more than anything else. Girls are experts at asking questions that seem to have no right answer. Its like the:"Do i look fat?" Question...
Theres no answer to this question that wont be taken as "Yes" because we all know that "No"- means "yes".. "Yes" means yes.. "I dont know" means yes.. "It doesnt matter" means yes and any pause between the question and the answer means "YES YES YES!"
I personally would rather go and get a root cannel than answer this one. The only real choice is to answer NO very quickly..
It doesnt work anyway - but any other answer is way way worse!
There are loads more bloody questions they like to ask us to fuck with our heads a little harder.. making us panic and worry about what else they are going to come up with.
NO is a great answer for most things girls like to ask.. But some really do require a quick YES answer mid sentence..
These are the times that being funny are unlikely to pay off.
JUST SAY NO
Is there someone else?
Do you still think about her?
Are you tired of me? JUST SAY YES
Do you still love me?
Do you ever think about me?
Do you like my hair this way?
For some reason girls have always liked to ask me qusetions that give me a heart attack before she even spits the words out. You can tell by their faces that its gonna be a goodie!I really like the: "Babe, which shoes look better?"
Usually youre already late for dinner when she confronts you, with one pair of shoes on and another next to them. This is no ordinary choice. It's a devious chicken/egg puzzler, the sort of choice that with the wrong answer could quite possibly ruin the night.
If you pick the shoes she already has on, shell think youre trying to rush her.
If you pick the other pair, she'll think its because you know you cant pick the ones she has on.
Some people try a different approach and opt for a third, unoffered pair of shoes, but this is just taken as either an attack on her judgment.. or an opportunity for her to attack yours (surprise surprise ) .
On no account suggest another dress. You may as well say, "Youre fat." She knows you don't know which shoes look better, and she knows you don't care, so why is she trying to get your opinion?
This is part of an ongoing campaign to domesticate you! Girls are evil.. Ive got a little list of ideas to get away with most of the hard questions we get asked..
Her: Where do you see this relationship going?
You: Where do YOU see this relationship going?
Her: Do you think she's attractive?
You: Who?
Her: What if I was pregnant?
You: Are you pregnant?
Her: Why? Do I look fat?!
Woops! Were in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming.
Try a more surreal approach:
Her: What if I was pregnant?
You: What if WE were pregnant? .... (Cool, huh?) :p Have you taken a look at yourself lately?
This question - and its cousin "Who do you think you are?" are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor pity was in her original decision to go out with you.
You probably brought this on yourself by mentioning that you reckon angelina is boring or by saying that Brittney spears doesn't have to wait until her birthday for head.
Youre not really supposed to answer either of these questions. You're just supposed to apologise for your comment. Instead of apologising... just smile.. Its easier.
Have you cheated on me?
Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question doesnt - “pop up out of the blue”. This is usually asked because after a party she has thought about the way you have acted with other girls..
Or the way you answer the phone to some of them. Your response will also have to be coded. Look at this translation chart before giving your answer:
YOU SAY - Yes
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - shes hiding something.
YOU SAY - It depends
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - I knew it!
YOU SAY - Why do you ask
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS -ASSHOLE!
YOU SAY - I dunno. Do you?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - How much does she know? There are several more variations, but there not worth going into. By the time she asks you this question, youre already in deep trouble. It doesnt really matter what you say, as long as you dont blush when you answer!
Here is an example that calls for more straight forward lying.
“What are you looking at?” she means, "You were looking at that girl, werent you?"
HA! you thought youd perfected that trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes swivel. Obviously, the truth is not the best answer here.
We all know that the truth wont work and hey you don’t have anywhere else to stay.
It may seem easy enough to answer this question with a lie, but when we are caught off guard... The ability to come up with a good one is impaired.
Here are a few of the more common mistakes we make when asked, "What are you looking at?"
Too specific: The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of that mailbox on the corner of that shop right there."
Not specific enough: "That thing."
Too good to be true: "A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you."
Too true to be good: "A see through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you."
Too obvious: "Nothing."
Way too obvious: "That blonde babe over there with the big...I mean nothing."
Heres one that requires a little interpretation…
“What are we going to do now?”
This one often pops up whenever some kind of emergency or unsolvable problem comes up.
The part that requires interpretation is the mysterious "we" in the middle. This means two things:
In one sense, "we" clearly means "you," as in - "What are you going to do now?"
There is also a sense of "we're in this together.." Saying that you bear equal responsibility for the fact that shes just dropped her keys down a grate.. or that she stores her jack and spare tire in the shed so they wont get stolen!
In this situation youll probably find that the only answer to "What are we going to do now?" that you can think of is "We are going to break up. Goodbye!"
Most likely youll decide not to say anything. After which she will probably let loose with the old line:
Why don't you say something?
Whether you answer this one is up to you. There is THE only question that you should never, EVER answer. Keep silent, cower behind that car rocking backwards and forwards.. pretend you didn't hear, run away, whatever, but dont say anything when she asks:
Should I get all of my hair cut off?
If you say anything, then when she does get all her hair cut off (and face it buster, shes made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it!), it will be YOUR fault. Even if you say absolutely nothing…
The best you can hope for is that she wont come home with all her hair cut off, stare you straight in the eye and say:
"BAAAABE Does it make me look fat!!?"
.....Youre on your own now.....
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[02 Jun 2007|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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curious |
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Why do people want to become famous? When they work all their lives to become known.. but then dont want to be recognised by anyone?
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| Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? MINGUS!! |
[02 Jun 2007|05:42pm] |
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mood |
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 rejuvenated |
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What a way to find out what life has to bring simply by shutting up and living it. Whinging (as i found) doesnt help things, it makes them worse - it really does.
I believe that life is planned out for everyone. We dont really have much say in where it goes but we can do things to affect the balance. At the end of the day - it all ends up the way it is meant to.
Somebody up there knows how long we have left - not us.. I dont think anyone has the right to decide.
Ive made some mistakes.. ive been bad.. ive been nasty, ive been selfish, ive lied, ive cheated, ive kept secrets, ive done these things to the closest people in my life and as much as i live to regret them and i will never ever forget what i have done - its a learning process - the fact that i can recognise where i have fucked up and admitted it is the first step to fixing it.. not just for them.. but myself.
I shouldnt treat my friends that way. I shouldnt treat anyone that way.
SELFISH because i did it for my own reasons as much as i didnt want to hurt them at the same time..
The fact that i didnt have the guts to hurt them by not telling the truth is what made me selfish.
BAD because i do things that i know im not supposed to do just for the rush of doing it.. Its not a brag factor.. its just the naughty kid inside of me that has to touch something that ive been told not to touch.. I wonder why im not alowed.. i wonder what it feels like.. and i do it because i was told not to.
NASTY because i dont think about the things i say when i get angry and hurting them at the time was easier than hurting myself.. again a selfish move.
NASTY because its the only thing i had left when i felt like i had nothing.. Its not right.. nobody deserves to be spoken to like that.
Im changing these things.. i have realised that like everyone else in the world - as much as nobody likes to admit defeat.. i have my faults.. I know where ive gone wrong in life.. I know i have made people cry as much as it kills me to know that. I guess thats another thing ive done that im not supposed to do.
Give me time, Im working on it. I promise.
Im not saying this for fun.. im a stubborn fuck.. but i think im losing that side of myself.
Somebody important to me told me that i have the ability to make others happy by being myself. This girl saw me in a different light.. this girl saw through me.. and i am glad that she said that.
Another person important in my life told me that i have to face my fears and fix them.. i dont think she realises how much her words affect me.. make me think on a different scale.. away from myself and i thank her for that.
You people know who you are.. the ones i have hurt.. the ones who i thanked.. even though the ones i thanked are also the ones i have hurt aswell.
Im sorry.. this post is for you. xx
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| Saw you again the otherday as you were trying to cross the.. road but all the cars kept driving.. by |
[26 May 2007|03:38pm] |
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mood |
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dorky |
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How do you feel about charity? Giving to the poor... ?
Giving to the red cross?
I like that.. you throw coins out onto the rd and watch them run to get it trying to avoid traffic, and what for? A STINKIN' CHOCOLATE COIN!
I was at the lights last week and a skinny man who resembled "monnaz" started washing my windscreen, i didnt even make eye contact with him! I just slowly wound up the window and locked my door with my elbow as i tried to make a get away without running him over.
Walking in the city getting hounded because someone saw you had "ciggies" and oh - could i please buy one off you? BUY ONE OFF ME? If you could afford to buy one off me why the hell cant you go and buy your own you wanker!
Fair enough .. you only have a dollar.. and hell, i might see you in russel st later with wu tang clothes on, oily hair and runners from the salvo bin asking every second person for 2 bucks so you can go and visit your dieing mum in sunshine and you have 8 kids you cant afford to clothe - all they own is one dress between them and they are ALL BOYS!!
They make so much money!
MAN!
Sorry but i get so angry about that shit.. there are legit ppl out there who dont have places to go or food to eat but fuck, there are so many ppl out there taking advantage of human kindness.. ANNNND there are alot of ppl out there who like myself cant say no because "they actually might be telling the truth.." then a week later you see them again spinning the same story and it hits you - wow.. i was jibbed by the wu tang clan.. i could of had that ciggie.. i could have brought a chuppa chup or a pop top with that dollar.. oh crap it was chocolate - oh well, i could have eaten it atleast.
Its like when voting times comes.. i get such a work out because i cant walk past flyer ppl.. they dont give a fuck if i take their flyer or not, but i still feel like i should take it.. so i end up at the start of the line with paperwork past my eyebrows and "oh lordy my fucking back is killing me!" wheres the bin!
"Ill take that flyer.. ill give you a ciggie because im not gonna sell it to you - ya idiot!.. ill let you wash my windscreen.. but i m on to you monnaz.. im mean wu tang.. i mean john howard... oh gees i should stop here.."
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